Suggestions For A Better Tomorrow
PHYSICAL HEALTH - You Need to Eat Healthy, Exercise and Rest
We're realists at Ama Papa. And there is no judgement here. If you need a cigarette or a drink to help deal with the stress, then have one and enjoy it! But a few tweaks and changes will make a really big, positive impact on your life. We know that you're unlikely to suddenly join and gym - and actually go(!) - or run a marathon, complete the Tour De France or hit the weights so hard you look like Arnie in Terminator 2! These are just suggestions. But they will help. And the more you can reduce the unhealthy things in your life and replace them, even time to time, with these, the better you'll be, the better you'll look and the better you'll feel.
Get some exercise. Walk to the shops (or the pub) and don't take the car. Use the stairs not the lifts. Do outdoor activities with the kids. Get them involved in the seasons: winter walks, spring walks, summer walks and parks and the seaside and kicking the leaves on autumn walks. Go swimming. Go for a run or even just a good walk. Play football or sports if you can. Use some weights. Go all Lester Burnham in American Beauty! You'll look better; you'll feel better. Your self-esteem will improve, so too will your mood. The adrenaline will be good for you. And you'll probably attract more attention from the ladies! Hey remember; if you do meet someone, sex is good for you!
Get some sleep. Easier said than done we know. Yet a healthy sleep pattern will be massively beneficial. Get into a routine; plan your day. Try and stick to the plan. Ease away from the late. late nights, burning the candle at both ends and being up early when you're still shattered. If you didn't plug your mobile phone in and recharge it the battery would go flat and you wouldn't be able to use it. Your body is no different. Unplug it; switch it off and plug it in to recharge. if you can score 7 hours a night as a rule then you'll be much the better for it. If you've got things on your mind, write them down. Make notes on your mobile or pen and paper by the bed. Leave them on paper, not in your head, and pick them up tomorrow; not tonight. Tonight you get some sleep.
MENTAL HEALTH
Social, historic and gender expectations plus outdated definitions of what it means to be a man mean that men often overlook the warning signs and / or opt not to acknowledge and address them.
Like a car with a warning light to alert to a problem, our minds do the same. If we fail to heed the warning, the problems frequently get worse and rarely fix themselves.
Break up's are stressful as is all of the fall out: including job changes or loss and moving house plus money worries. Anxiety, depression and stress are all commonplace. See the signs and face them head on.
- Look after your physical health: it's closely linked to your mental health.
- Don't be ashamed of it. The old man hides it away not because he's strong but because he's weak. Be strong enough, be "man" enough to be the "new real man" and confront it.
- Talk to someone about it. A friend, someone at work, a family member or your GP. Make that call. There's also Samaritans and there's us here at Ama Papa.
- Ask for help. It's not strong to go it alone; it takes greater strength to ask, to reach out, to talk and to connect. Be strong enough to do that.
- Contact us. Come along to one of our events. meet some other Single Dad's and connect. it'll be good for your emotional health.
EMOTIONAL HEALTH
They're all linked, you know; your physical, mental and emotional health. Improve one and you positively impact the other. Emotional health is an important part of overall health. People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. They're able to cope with life's challenges. They can keep problems in perspective and bounce back from setbacks.
Your kids might see you as a Superhero but that doesn't mean you can't get sad, lonely, scared or angry. If you're a Single Dad you don't need a cape; you are a Superhero. People will still try and hit you with Kryptonite! Here's a few things that you can perhaps do to look after yourself and to improve your emotional well-being:
Use your friends. A problem shared and all of that. And if you don't have many friends, use Ama Papa. We're here to be your friend and to help you meet other Single Dad's that you can team up with.
Knowledge is Power: often our fears stem from uncertainty and not knowing what will happen. Arm yourself with some knowledge. Use Google, use Ama Papa, again ask your friends, especially those with knowledge or experience of a topic you're wondering (and maybe even worrying) about. The more you know, the less you fear.
You are Power: the better you look after yourself, eating well, sleeping well and exercising, the higher your adrenaline will be and the higher your self esteem will be. So go spend some of that money you've saved on cigarettes or alcohol by getting a haircut, sorting your look, getting some new clothes. it's not about what you've lost; it's about what you have to gain and what you have to offer. Let the ex see what's she missing. Find someone new. Have sex! Look at the opportunities that lie ahead. Almost everyone who made an impact or changed the world did so because they were coming from where you are now. Bounce-back has a force that forward momentum does not.
Go Easy on Yourself: you'll make mistakes; you'll stumble, you'll fall. If you slip up don't beat yourself up over it. Forgive yourself. Pick yourself up. If you lose a fiver and win a tenner you're making a profit. Just keep taking more steps forward than you do backwards.
Reward Yourself: set some achievable goals and objectives. Keep them realistic and make sure they include plenty of simple things that can be done in a short space of time. Ticking them off as done will drive you forward and it will feel good. When you achieve something, give yourself a reward, a treat. Be good to yourself.
SORTING YOUR MONEY
FINANCIAL HEALTH
Being a Single Dad is expensive. Here's some ways to help keep your money where you need it and where it belongs: in the lives of you & your kids.
Do your sums. Use Excel, a notepad, whatever it takes but plan your money honestly and realistically. List your "In's" and your "Out's" each month; calculate what's left and divide it by the weeks of the month until next income. Then stick to it.
Child Maintenance. There's a Child Maintenance Calculator (link attached) that allows you to work out exactly how much you need to pay your Ex. Use it. Agree an amount and pay it without using their collect & pay service which you pay for. Use "Child Maintenance" as a narrative on all payments and make them all electronic. Keep a record of every payment made including the amount and when it was paid. Cover your own back in case things ever turn sour. Protect yourself. If you pay more, again do it electronically, recorded with a narrative rather than cash. Record how many nights your kid(s) spend at yours and make sure you calculate that correctly too. Keep your payments on time and don't miss them out of spite even if your ex is preventing you seeing your kids. That's tempting to do to hit back but it's the wrong move, trust me. Always take the high road.
Your Monthly Take-Home. There's another link attached whereby you can calculate how much you'll take home after tax. It's handy when working out potential job scenarios, for example, changing to a new job, reducing hours etc. The more you earn the more you pay, in tax and in child maintenance. Sometimes earning less is actually no bad thing. Calculate it. Use your Excel document to plan hypothetical scenarios and change your maintenance and take home accordingly to see which one suits you best.
Live Better.
Honestly, you can save money (£££'s) and be healthy (losing lbs). Plan your meals and only buy what you need for those ideally healthy meals. Minimise the waste. Avoid the cigarettes and too much alcohol if and where you can. Spend your time doing things that won't see you spending your money. Exercise is free! Walking, jogging, running, even some weights or work outs will be a useful way to spend your time and won't cost a penny. Get on YouTube and find some 5 minute or 15 minute work outs and do them in the living room or the garden. Get your kids involved. The knack - if you're finding a financial strain upon you - is to make your money count. Spend as little as possible and spend it - and your time - on things that improve you not destroy you.
